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A dark, wild, powerful memoir about a young woman's transformation from college student to professional dominatrix
While a college student at The New School, Melissa Febos spent four years working as a dominatrix in a midtown dungeon. In poetic, nuanced prose she charts how unchecked risk-taking eventually gave way to a course of self-destruction. But as she recounts crossing over the very boundaries that she set for her own safety, she never plays the victim. In fact, the glory of this memoir is Melissa's ability to illuminate the strange and powerful truths that she learned as she found her way out of a hell of her own making. Rest assured; the reader will emerge from the journey more or less unscathed.
- Sales Rank: #590354 in Books
- Brand: Febos, Melissa
- Published on: 2011-07-19
- Released on: 2011-07-19
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .65" w x 5.50" l, .57 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Febos's candid, hard-slogging debut about her four years working as a dominatrix at a midtown Manhattan dungeon cuts a sharp line between prurience and feminist manifesto. Having grown up on Cape Cod, Mass., then dropped out of high school before moving to New York City and enrolling in the New School in the fall of 1999, Febos slipped into drug use and needed a way to finance it. An attractive law-school graduate neighbor in her Brooklyn apartment building mentioned that she worked as a domme, and Febos decided to give it a go. She spanked grown men, professionals, fathers, and rabbis, sometimes inserted enemas, sodomized them with dildos, and otherwise verbally humiliated them, all for $75 an hour, plus tips. At first, Febos managed the grueling, unsavory work while high on heroin and cocaine, and gained a tremendous sense of confidence, even invincibility at being able to justify her livelihood as one of the few well-paid acting gigs in this city. In time, she also became addicted to her job; she eventually joined AA to help get clean of drugs, but kicking her addiction to sadomasochism was harder, and in this emotionally stark, excoriating work, Febos mines the darkest, most troubling aspects of human interaction. (Mar.)
Copyright � Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
“In her provocative debut…Febos pulls no punches as she describes in minute, and at times horrific, detail her working life…In lesser hands this could be a maudlin, salacious tale, but Febos's electrifying prose and unremitting honesty continually challenge the reader. Expertly captures grace within depravity.” ―Kirkus Reviews
“Febos's debut about her four years working as a dominatrix at a midtown Manhattan "dungeon" cuts a sharp line between prurience and feminist manifesto…In this emotionally stark, excoriating work, Febos mines the darkest, most troubling aspects of human interaction.” ―Publisher's Weekly
“Febos can really write, and it is the narrative voice she inhabits, at once honest and dispassionate, curious and even idealistic, that turns a timeworn story into a smart, provocative thrill-ride of a book…For all its jaw-dropping shock value...Whip Smart is, in the end, a treatise on the psychology of sex and power, subversion and submission―humanity.” ―David Goodwillie for The Daily Beast
“Memoirs about salacious adventures have two requirements: they must be generous with the goods and astute with the analysis. Febos delivers on both, and with relish. No salty detail escapes her eye or goes unexamined. Febos is too self-aware to not see her past clearly, and too talented a writer to not make it fascinating.” ―The Economist
“Melissa Febos examines, with frankness, generosity, and unexpected grace, the four years she spent working as a dominatrix in a midtown Manhattan dungeon…her revelations are often funny, occasionally sad, and fearlessly candid.” ―San Francisco Bay Guardian
“Febos' journeying into the darkest corners of both her and others' minds is entertaining and enlightening; there are weird, eye-popping, sad, hilarious, and all-too-human episodes and encounters on almost every page. Febos writes of her own walk on the wild side like a seasoned, and chastened, pro.” ―Elle Magazine
“[Melissa Febos] ably dissects her own and others' psychological urges and sexual politics and presents it all in a way that renders the title apt. The memoir should be right at home next to Mary Karr, Nick Flynn and Alex Lemon on the bookshelf.” ―New York Press
“All memoirs are an attempt to follow a trail of breadcrumbs home, yet WHIP SMART steps off the path, into the wooded shadows, and names that part of ourselves that could linger there forever. Melissa Febos masterfully brings us into these unexpected, unsettling places, the least of which are the dungeons she so vividly―briefly―occupies. WHIP SMART is a wild, bright-eyed, ride home.” ―Nick Flynn, New York Times bestselling author of ANOTHER BULLSHIT NIGHT IN SUCK CITY
“WHIP SMART is remarkably honest, brave and provocative about growing up: the pleasures and perils of being visible, the temptations of being numb, and the weird kick of being desired.” ―Rachel Resnick, author LOVE JUNKIE
“Mesmerizing. A brave, darkly wild and powerful memoir, Melissa Febos's fearless journey through drugs and dungeons into the uncharted territory of true intimacy will shock, inspire, and leave you breathless. Don't even think about resisting.” ―Rachel Resnick, author LOVE JUNKIE
“Melissa Febos takes us by the hand and leads us into a curious, disturbing, and funny world of a dominatrix, and she does so with often startlingly beautiful, expansive prose. That would be engaging enough. But what's even more gripping is Febos' fierce intelligence as she examines herself inside it. A must read for anyone interested in enlarging his or her understanding of sexual politics.” ―Kerry Cohen, author of LOOSE GIRL
“Melissa Febos writes with lacerating wit and insight into the world of the professional dominatrix, saving the sharpest sting for herself. An unsparing, deep, and dazzling read.” ―Janice Erlbaum, author of GIRLBOMB & HAVE YOU FOUND HER
About the Author
Melissa Febos is the author of the critically acclaimed memoir, WHIP SMART (Thomas Dunne Books/St. Martin's Press), which Kirkus Reviews said, "Expertly captures grace within depravity." She has been featured on NPR's Fresh Air with Terry Gross and the cover of the NY Post, among many other national publications.� Her writing has been published in venues such as Hunger Mountain, Dissent, The Southeast Review, Redivider, The Rambler, Storyscape Journal, The Huffington Post, The New York Times, Bitch Magazine, The Chronicle of Higher Education Review, and on The Nervous Breakdown (thenervousbreakdown.com), where she regularly blogs.� She co-curates and hosts the Mixer Reading and Music Series at Cake Shop, has taught at SUNY Purchase College, The New School, NYU, and Sarah Lawrence College, and is currently Assistant Professor at Utica College.� She holds an MFA from Sarah Lawrence College. Recently named one of "Five New Queer Voices to Watch Out For" by Lambda Literary, she is the winner of the Memoirs, Ink half-yearly contest, and a 2010 & 2011 MacDowell Colony fellow. She speaks widely, from classrooms and conference panels, and splits her time between Brooklyn and Clinton, NY. More at melissafebos.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
94 of 103 people found the following review helpful.
Interesting read, but the writer's voice is a little off-putting
By Mandy Alford
I picked this book up after hearing an interview with the author on NPR. I am a big fan of memoirs in general, and I have read many sex worker memoirs, though this is the first I've read that solely focused on dominatrix work. I would have to say this book falls in the middle; it isn't the worst memoir, but it certainly isn't the best. For me, the writer came off as pretentious (hardly a chapter goes by without her mentioning her GPA or how much smarter she is than everyone else). I tend to prefer a writer (when it comes to memoirs) who can bring across the gravity of a situation, but is also able to be funny or even a little self-depreciating. Constantly boasting about any facet of your personality is a little off-putting, and it is pretty hard not to notice in this work.
I also feel in certain sections there were bits left out/glossed over or the writing was intentionally vague. I would often find I had unanswered questions in my mind, and Miss Febos would go off on her own (untrained) psychoanalysis of herself or speak at length about her addiction, which was honestly not as interesting to me. I understand this is a memoir about her, but it is also marketed foremost as a dominatrix memoir. I assumed the path to sobriety and AA meetings would play a smaller role than they did. I left the book feeling as though I should find another memoir by a dominatrix if I want to have a more thorough understanding of the profession in general, and clients in particular. I also think it would be more interesting to have a conversation or interview with Miss Febos than to read her book.
70 of 79 people found the following review helpful.
disappointing.
By H. Johnson
i was really looking forward to reading this book; i have one dear friend who loved it, and the author and i share common friends and even attended the same college. sadly and frustratingly, the book left me underwhelmed and exasperated. i finished it just to make it end, and so i could move onto something else.
'whip smart' has potential: the subject matter is intriguing. febos is to be commended for revealing an aspect of her past that may be seen as controversial, judged with disdain. there are a handful of beautifully woven passages. that, however, is where my praise ends. as others have already noted, her voice was offputting, haughty, entitled. it seemed to me she turned to drugs and other sundry dangerous/stupid lifestyle choices because the world bored her, and she was 'too intelligent' to endure it, to withstand the stupidity of everyone around her without drowning herself in substances. every time she casually tossed in some reference to 'harvard' or her 4.0 GPA, which, she repeated often, she maintained while high out of her mind and juggling a demanding domming schedule, i liked her less, cared less about her as a character. the constant dimestore psychoanalysis was beyond aggravating. the grammatical errors were numerous. the story was poorly constructed, didn't flow well. bottom line, i couldn't empathize with her; her struggles were self-induced; she came from a privileged, loving family and there was nothing wrong with her life that she didn't create herself. the book stretched my patience whisper thin; i could hardly finish it.
37 of 43 people found the following review helpful.
Creative Non Fiction vs Memoir - The contrived "turning point" and rehasing the Feminine Mystique
By crewelmoi
Whip Smart: A MemoirPlot spoiler warning!
I typically do not like or trust memoir as a genre. As a writer/artist, I take issue with the memoir claim that it is "true" or more truthful than creative non fiction. I find the opposite to be true. Memoirs are often times prefaced that they are a retelling of events in a creative way, and are skewed, jumbled, out of time with the actual events, and combine people to make the story more coherent and cohesive. Well, that's creative non fiction. And, memory is faulty. Memory alone creates some of the best non published works.
Memoir is a setup for the contrived "turning point" wherein the protagonist redeems her or himself, typically finds God, and in this case like so many others, finds a good man to make her life complete. I'm not applauding, Febos, you're pandering to get published.
The start of the book was very promising but the language became very bulky/overdone and stuck to that type of writing that I find tedious - telling us, not taking us there to experience it. All those creatively worded sentences seemed to pack a punch - but when I stopped to think about them, break them down, analyze them - they really didn't have any meaning. I know all the big words, but transporting me to an experience is much more powerful. Instead, I felt turned off and I started to really dislike Melissa/Justine. Was that Febos' goal? No, I don't think I can give her that much credit as an author. It is evident that she was instead trying to control and impress us, to be righteous, to be smarter. It was cold and did not further the art.
The story was a familiar tale of the Feminine Mystique. I felt duped into being intrigued and hoping for more, but what I got was a self-victimizing control freak who was obsessed with her relationships with men, her sexuality/being perceived and valued as sexy and powerful, and a painful floundering in abject poverty of love, insight, and self acceptance in order to appear independent.
She made herself out to be a genius. That's the trouble with talking about yourself and writing a "memoir" with a turning point and all the self-discovered resolutions. Lots of women get 3.9 GPAs under extremely adverse conditions (that they did not choose) and with far less resources. I didn't care to keep hearing it over and over. I never saw her struggle with it. We only heard her take it for granted that she would do well. We never went to class with the dayshift domming Melissa. It seemed superfluous, like she was taking the opportunity to be superior, but without proof. To brag. Again, I doubt this was an artistic intention. I was actually happy to hear Melissa got turned down to those first four grad schools. Finally, it seemed, something real. That's real-life. The monotonous job with the horrid office manager and the feeling that there is no end, no way out was more interesting than the should I/shouldn't I leave well enough alone with the dungeon.
As the story neared the end, the text got denser (with less actual meaning), the shared experiences became fewer, and the self congratulatory spirit became more prominent. Melissa found her answers, she turned to a higher power, she got her dream job of teaching and published writer, she lunched with her pregnant ex domme friend, and giggled over fond memories of torturing people. But, the part that made it all terribly impossible for me to embrace was that her happiness, resolve, and purpose hinged on Barrett - that most awesomely different and loving relationship, unlike any other she'd ever had. Really? Shame on you, Febos. It isn't that I wanted Melissa to be unhappy, fail, remain a domme, relapse on cocaine and/or heroin, or divulge more lurid sex tales from the darkness - not at all...well, maybe a bit (the turn of power with Larry was really interesting and I was imagining that perhaps a near death experience as his sub would be the crux of change). I just have to say, if you're gonna contrive a turning point and "make it all worth something", I'd think that as a good writer, an Alumna of a women's college, a self-proclaimed Feminist and intellectual, you wouldn't hinge it all on a neatly-summed-up-suburban-romantic-relationship (all by the ripe age of...what, 29?).
I'd like to edit this book. I'd like to flog it a bit. I wonder if there will be a follow up in about 15 years. That, I would like to read. Perhaps it will be classified as creative non-fiction and we will get more truth, less market-driven schmaltz.
I give it three stars because I did find the opening captivating and promising. Some of the simple sentences were breathtaking. The description of panic (in the ocean) was chilling. And there were other moments when Febos "let go" - where the prose was more experimental, less rigid, fluid, and took me there.
I take two stars away for the pandering drivel, not taking us there (she was dating? she had a live-in bf? what?), heavy use of the words mesmerize/ing and vegetarianism and vestibule (we get it - dungeon/BDSM, OK, OK, OK), the many typos/syntax/improper word choices and convoluted language, and for using "oversize" instead of "oversized".
Whip Smart: A Memoir
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